You can bank on it. Pt 2.

As the only thing needed for my book is artwork and editing. Here is another previously un-released exchange so you can see what it’s all about. You can read the first part here.

Now my bank have been pretty good sports, although the fact I’ve never once been into my overdraft and always pay on time means that they really have no excuse to be anything but courteous to me. Take for example the following exchange, where without my knowledge they accessed my account twice, fair enough it was to put money in, I still wanted to know why.

-

To [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Hi there.

I kind of have a problem with my account, you see I’ve just been informed, by my mother no less that I’m due a refund to my account. Could you clear that up please?

Cheers.

-

From [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Hello Mr Smallwood.

Yes you are in fact due a refund, it will be credited to you account in the next few days.

We hope this clears up the matter.

-

To [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Actually, no, it doesn’t. Why am I due a refund in the first place? Because I’m going to be honest, the only time I’ve ever seen a bank willingly hand over money without question, it was to Heath Ledger. So what gives?

-

From [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Hello Mr Smallwood.

It appears that a number of months ago we accidentally charged you an overdraft fee, since your account isn’t able to accrue such charges, we have noticed and rectified the mistake.

-

To [redacted]

Subject: My account.

See, this is where things get frustrating.

Because that means that you took money out of my account without telling me, which if I’m honest is a bit fucking annoying. Sure you noticed it this time, but it’s kind of telling that your bank, as an entity, only feels the need to tell me that you’re putting money into my account, not taking it out. Do you see any problem with that? Because I certainly do.

-

From [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Mr Smallwood.

We appreciate your concern and we are obviously concerned about how you didn’t know money was being removed from your account without your knowledge, since it is our policy to always inform you of such an occurance.

-

To [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Yes, I am well aware of your policies and I’m very, very comforted that you are concerned about my concern, I’m sure that will translate into actual action on your part.

Now I’m willing to overlook this, because I really don’t want to spend an entire week hearing about how sorry you are. What I do want to ask though is what about my interest?

-

From [redacted]

Subject: My account.

I’m afraid I don’t follow Mr Smallwood.

-

To [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Well, you’ve held onto money, that is by all right mine for a number of months now. Since you are a bank, I’m assuming you know that when you have money and simply leave it alone and don’t pay attention to it, quite unlike a penis, it will grow. I would quite like this money, since, you know, it’s mine.

Cheers.

-

From [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Mr Smallwood.

Your account is only due a very small refund, said interest would be of an equally small amount.

-

To [redacted]

Subject: My account.

Well, as my ex-girlfriend often told me, just because it’s small doesn’t mean it can’t do some good. Also, ask your bank manager what he thinks in regards to small account transfers and me.

-

From [redacted]

Subject: My account.

He’s told me to grant you an immediate refund with interest.

-

To [redacted]

Subject: My account.

I thought so.

Pictured: Victory!

One thought on “You can bank on it. Pt 2.

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