Everyone is a critic.

A few weeks ago I gave people the chance to read an extract from my book, which you can still totally do if you want to. Someone decided to take this as a chance to tell me how much I sucked. Leaving me with the challenge of actually obtaining a decent quote about it, I think I succeeded.

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From [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

Hey Id like to give your book a read if thats ok

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To [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

Sure, here you go. Let me know what you think and be sure to send me a quote to use in the blurb.

Cheers!

-

From [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

its shit! no one is going to say this book is worth reading fuck you!

get a quote from that asshole

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To [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

Sure! How’s this for a quote?

this book is worth reading” – some guy with a small dick on the internet.

Thanks, dude!

-

From [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

you cant do that thats false advertising you cant use my words like that dickhead

-

To [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

Well you can’t seem to use words at all anyway, or grammar, or punctuation. Are you sure you’re not accidentally having ministrokes while typing? Anyway, nothing I quoted you as saying was incorrect, however, if you’re not happy with it, by all means send me another quote to use. I assure you I’ll use it in my blurb.

Because you’ve been honest with me and I respect that, I don’t like it, but you’re probably used to people not liking you so that’s ok.

-

From [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

this book is the biggest pile of shit Ive ever read

fuck you!

-

To [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

Wait, you’ve actually read more than one book? Wow, that’s quite surprising, I’ll be honest you seem like the kind of person who’s only reading experience comes from reading public bathroom walls while you’re being railed by a stranger. Anyway, is this quote ok?

this book is the … shit” – A recently acquitted sex criminal.

I’ll be honest, I prefer this to the other one.

Thanks!

-

From [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

I bet you think your pretty funny dont you dickhead?

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To [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

Ooooo, that’s an even better quote. I knew you liked me really.

“pretty funny” – Stephenie Meyer

I know that’s not your name, but I’ll be honest, with the amount of shit spilling out onto your keyboard, you’re basically the same person.

Cheers!

-

From [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

fuck you dont you dare compare me to that piece of shit twilight is the biggest bag of rapist sperm covered dog shit ever written

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To [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

I thought my book was the biggest pile of shit ever? I’ll bet you tell that to all of the books don’t you? You big tease. But does that mean that you’re saying that by book isn’t as bad as the Twilight series? Which I’m assuming you really like, because only someone who likes it would respond that passionately.

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From [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

of course its not as bad as twilight twilight is the biggest pile of shit ever written

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To [redacted]

Subject: Book extract

And we have a winner! That’s the quote I’m using, thank you ever so much.

“not as bad as twilight” – A big fan.

I put big fan, not because I assume you like me. But because I assume you’re fat and like blowing things.

BYE!

-

So there you have it folks, my new book, isn’t as bad as Twilight! Read about it here.

Past Karl approves of it, but he approves of most things.

2 thoughts on “Everyone is a critic.

  1. I always feel it’s the same person writing these emails, they all have the same mistakes and ”insults” if that’s what they’re supposed to be. Small brains and small dicks they must have.

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