Fool me once …

I get a lot of emails, most I answer, if someone takes the time out of their day to send me a message I like to return the favour. However, some people don’t send a message I feel deserves a response, well, not a polite one as this blog will attest to. But in rarer cases I’ll simply decide to fuck with that person by claiming their message was never delivered, some people give up fairly quickly. Others do not.

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

you look like a little bitch I would love to see you try some of that trolling shit on me

go die in a fire

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Your message to (KARL SMALLWOOD) could not be delivered due to your message containing the following disallowed features: (SWEARING)

Please revise your message to not include the above disallowed terms and try again.

Email screening service provided by Cockblocker TM, blocking cocks from your email inbox.

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

what the fuck is this for real?

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Your message to (KARL SMALLWOOD) could not be delivered due to your message containing the following disallowed features: (SWEARING, POOR GRAMMAR)

Please revise your message to not include the above disallowed terms/features and try again.

Email screening service provided by Cockblocker TM, making cocks a thing of the past.

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

im not falling for your stupid joke I know you can see these messages

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I left his email to sit in my inbox for a few days before sending this.

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Your previous (3) message/s to (KARL SMALLWOOD) could not be delivered due to your message/s containing the following disallowed features: (SWEARING, POOR GRAMMAR, LACK OF ORIGINALITY)

Any future messages sent to (KARL SMALLWOOD) will now be edited by a Cockblocker TM employee to remove any offending terms since you’re apparently incapable of self-control.

Email screening service provided by Cockblocker TM, cocks like you don’t stand a chance against our sweet blocks.

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

go fuck yourself

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Hey [redacted] thanks for your message telling myself to go. I assume you meant go for it, as in go for it with your fine self, since “go yourself!” didn’t really make much sense.

Regardless, thanks for the kind words, it’s always nice to hear from a fan.

Cheers, Karl x x

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

what I didnt say that? I told you to go suck a dick you asshole

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

You want me to “go a whole”? I’m sorry but that doesn’t make any sense, is English your first language? It’s okay if it isn’t but I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me something and can’t.

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Im telling you to go die in a fire asshole

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Right, I’m a little bored of this now, so I’m going to copy and paste your last message into mine to show you what I’m having to deal with.

Im telling you to %£%(&() in a *^$ !”(£&!!

What is that shit? What the hell is wrong with your keyboard that you’re accidentally hitting all those keys?

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

its your stupid fucking email thing is blocking out swear words thats nothing to do with me

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Oh, Cockblocker TM, I love that thing, I’ll not have you bad mouth Cockblocker TM, mainly because you can’t, but mostly because I’ve had a lot less cocks in my inbox since I had it installed. I’d recommend you try it, but it would probably just stop you logging in.

So what message is it you keep trying to send? I’ll disable Cockblocker TM for your next email.

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Im trying to tell you to go fuck yourself

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Oh, you spent 3 weeks trying to tell me that? That’s, erm, kind of sad. I’ve lived with the last name Smallwood for 20 years, I get worse than that from the bank.

But, yeah, chin up big fella. Maybe you’ll get me next time, eh?

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From [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

fuck you

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To [redacted]

Subject: message for you …

Your message to (KARL SMALLWOOD) could not be delivered due to (KARL SMALLWOOD) adding you to his Cockblocker TM ban list. All future message will sent to our secure server and deleted, unopened and unloved. But we’re sure you’re used to that.

Email screening service provided by Cockblocker TM, you’re only seeing this message because you’re a cock.

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As promised I deleted this guys later messages, because fuck him.

3 thoughts on “Fool me once …

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