Even though I haven’t updated this site in months I still get comments, a sizeable chunk of views and even the occasional email about my content. Which I guess I should be proud of since it suggests what I wrote was at least interesting. However since I have no real plans to ever go back to updating this site on a regular basis I wanted to invite people viewing this website to visit FactFiend.com. The new website I will be working on for the forseeable future, on which I will be dropping a bombtastic new fact every single day. Like this one for example, which will continue to be the reason my autobiography will be called “Fuck cats”.
A few hours ago I got off the train and headed home to see my family, when I got through the door my sister hurriedly booted up her own, tiny little, butterfly covered computer to show me something. An article she’d written. Not for homework, but for fun. Yes, my little sister sat down and created researched an article on fun facts about bugs because she wanted to share how cool they are with me. Continue reading
I’ve decided to post this here, because it’s something I feel strongly about because it involves two things I’m familiar with, video games and asshole customers. A few days ago at a midnight release of GTA V, some dipshit in the states tried to buy the game with a business card instead of ID. When the cashier gave him a huge “are-you-fucking-retarded” look and told him that he needed valid ID, he flipped his lid like an adult.
Here’s why this video pretty much sums up everything wrong with the internet. Continue reading
I love Daniel Radcliffe, that guy is a total legend, he could probably walk into my room and flip out his dong and all I’d do would be to ask him to be gentle. He’s that awesome. The thing is, I only think he’s awesome for one reason, how he fucked with the paparazzi, or to give them their proper name, the raging fuckwads of the entertainment world.
You see for 6 months Daniel wore the same outfit every day, unlike when the rest of us do that however, people still wanted to be near Daniel, most notably the paparazzi following him around. However, it quickly became apparent that this was fruitless, since whenever a paparazzi went to sell a photo of Radcliffe they were informed that the published already had like 80 other photos of him in the exact same outfit.
Meaning yes, Daniel Radcliffe once got paparazzi to leave him alone by literally doing nothing. And people say he isn’t magic.
Modern athletes have a reason to feel superior to us normal, not-able-to-punch-through-a-human-ribcage folk, mainly because they can punch through a human ribcage. And when you have the ability to do that, you’re allowed to walk around like you have the biggest dick in the room, even if you don’t.
However, I’d like to introduce you to Porphyrios, a Roman charioteer who walked into a synagogue and stabbed people at random, just because he could. He then walked out and was promptly arrested. Oh now wait, no one did shit, because when you’re a boss chariot racer people just have to let you be an asshole. There you have it folks, famous/powerful people being dicks isn’t a new thing, they’ve always been like that. The only difference is, hundreds of years ago they’d straight up stab you in the gut if they felt like it. Progress!
I have a huge man crush on Liam Neeson, ever since I saw I saw his wedding video (released worldwide as “Taken”) I’ve dedicated my life to letting people know how badass he is.
Which is why I felt I should share the moment his life was first brought into this world. The moment in World War 1 when Russian and German soldiers held a temporary truce to shoot a bunch of wolves in the face. I don’t care if the dates don’t match up or that Liam Neeson would have simply punched the wolves out of existence, I refuse to believe the time a group of heavily armed men with foreign accents fought a bunch of giant angry wolves wasn’t related to Liam Neeson in some way. It just had to be.
Making fun of the French is like having sex with an ex, easy, but ultimately unsatisfying because it requires no real effort or originality on your part. You just have to do exactly what other people before you have done before, only a little better so everyone involved at least knows you’re trying.
Writing about Apollon the Mighty made me forget the shit out of every French stereotype I’ve been told, mainly through the sheer manliness that rippled off of the page as I wrote about him. This man once punched his way out of a prison cell and survived having his arm ripped out of its socket by a car, then continued to punch his way out of prison cells to entertain people. Because fuck iron bars apparently.
That title isn’t a joke. It is an absolute statement of fact that I was paid cash money to write about. At one point in time George Clooney, the multi-millionaire actor and international sex symbol, crouched over a cat litter box and crimped out a turd, because he thought it’d be funny. If that sentence alone doesn’t make want you to click the link below I honestly don’t know how else to appeal to you. It has cats, poop jokes and George Clooney. That’s like a picture of Emma Stone away from being the perfect post.
One of my hobbies is playing video games. Earlier today I was asked by a friend to contribute to a gaming based endevour I personally think is pretty freaking cool. Though the coolness stems mostly from the fact that I’m involved, that’s just how I roll, sorry.
Gaming theories is a new Twitter account I’ll be ghost tweeting for over the coming weeks, if you like video game based humour or just want to be a dick about stuff I’ve written on a different platform, you can find a link to the account below. In the mean time, enjoy my favourite joke I’ve written for it so far.
I fucking love history. Especially the parts where someone made a conscious decision to punch time in the face until they knew it would scream their name on command. Flamma was one such person. Living in Ancient Rome, this gladiator spent 13 years stabbing people in the torso purely because he enjoyed the sound it made. We know this because Flamma was offered the chance to retire from his life of stabbing four times! and four times he had to calmly say, fuck off, the end of my sword isn’t wet and that makes me feel anxious. You’ll likely never read about Flamma in a history book. Mainly because history books with his name in them tend to randomly catch fire.