Welcome To The New Internet Adventures Site

At the time of writing this blog post, I’m supporting myself fully with the freelance writing I do online. This website will now be a central hub for all of the work I do around the web which you can find by clicking the various links around this page. For the most part this site will be a collection of all the stuff I’ve done in the past with links to the work I’m doing moving forward. I’ve left my blog’s original archives up for anyone feeling nostalgic.

I’d like to thank everyone who has supported my work over the years, this change of direction simply means that I have, for the moment, made it.

Thanks for reading, Karl.

A Year in The Life.

Last year I had a fairly simple New Years resolution. Basically I had a self set goal to do, say, notice, comment upon, write or create one thing each day that would make another person laugh. It’s my opinion that making someone laugh makes the world a better place and any day in which I made someone’s life slightly better, even for a second, could never be considered a waste. With that in mind, here’s a collection of some of my favourite moments and jokes from this year. If I can squeeze even one more smile out of people with these, I’ll consider this year a win.

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Karl vs The World Pt 1. Kathy Benjamin and her new book.

Welcome to a new feature of Internet . Ihe last few weeks I’ve been in contact with a few friends from Cracked and the other sites I write for. Basically this feature will function like the ever popular emails I used to launch my site 3 years ago, only instead of exchanges with people who hate me and can’t spell, they’ll be exchanges with people who hate me and can spell.

This weeks it’s Kathy Benjamin. One of Cracked’s most prolific writers and the person who inspired me to start writing in the first place, we were discussing her new book. Enjoy!

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Lyrics from a Falloutboy song.

The above title is a cleverly worded snipe at the tendency of those in a relationship to post soppy song lyrics describing each other on Facebook. Also it’s because I like Falloutboy, like a lot.

If you’ve ever seen my Facebook, it’s random things I think people will think are funny and pictures of rabbits, (see the post below for examples). Anyone viewing it would have no idea that I had a girlfriend or any romantic interests at all. Well I did, and now I don’t. The only people who knew are me, her and the millions of people I expect will read this. Obviously close friends and family knew, but to the outside world I never had a girlfriend.

And that’s how I prefer it to stay, every day I switch on my computer to see couples fawning over each other on Facebook, liking groups that their significant other will know are about them, posting a soppy status and tagging them in it. Sure I have no problem with them doing this, but one thing I notice is that these posts only have one “like” , from the person it’s about. I know your Facebook is personal and you should be able to choose what goes on it, but when only one person from the dozens if not hundreds of people you know likes what you’re doing, the rest of them probably don’t give a shit.

LOL, look you guys I’m riding on a tortoise! how fucking cool am I?

Sure people are obviously happy that you’re happy like I’m sure plenty of my friends would be happy that my wang life was pretty damn good, but it’s not something they would want to see me plastering over Facebook. Being in a relationship is awesome, and breaking up sucks, but the day-to-day activities of being a couple are something that just isn’t interesting.

Ok sure, being surprised with a  trip to Disney land by your sweetheart is pretty cool, I want to hear about that. But I fail to see how anyone would be at all interested in “I love my boyfriend”. What the guy you sleep with and are tagged with in all of your photos, the guy you mention in every post, you love that guy? Shit that’s news to me.

Now I know some people are romantics, that’s fine, Facebook isn’t a good medium for that, if you want to tell your girlfriend she’s awesome, tell her. Does showing it for all of your combined friends to see accomplish something that simply telling the person doesn’t?

That’s why I was happy for my relationship to pass under the Facebook radar, happy for people who were interested to know, but for those who couldn’t care less to continue enjoying what I posted without “Love you baby, you know how you are” clogging the shit out of their news feed.

Instead they got to enjoy this sweet wolf my sister made!

This almost certainly had it’s downsides, she was definitely pissed off when I wouldn’t change my relationship status and it certainly doesn’t do much for your street cred (which I totally have loads of) when according to Facebook your love life looks about as active as a breakdancing contest in an old people’s home.

But that’s the choice I made and I’ll stand by it, at least until I meet that one totally awesome girl, then I’m going to be all up in that shit. The day this blog turns into a bunch of kitten pictures with lovehearts underneath is the day I meet that girl.

Make words, acquire profit.

I broke my weekly update rule and believe me I totally kicked my own ass for that one. I have a good reason though, MONEY! Sweet, sweet money.

I’ve been offered the chance to contribute to an Ebook, Ebooks as I understand are books that you can’t touch or hold but you can look at, so they’re a lot like my girlfriends breasts.

The book is for my good friend Dennis Hong, who runs this blog. He’s also a handsome motherfucker, which definitely helped sway me into writing in his book.

I have no idea if Dennis would like me to post a picture of him, so instead here is a picture of a rabbit I saw that looks like Rorschach from Watchmen.

I’m betting the rabbit is way more impressive than the fact I’ll be in an Ebook, which I’m totally OK with because I fucking love that rabbit.

Share and share alike.

Today I was published.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19178_9-absurd-movie-premises-that-actually-happened.html

You may notice my name isn’t the only one up there. That’s because I love working with other people, plus it makes it so much fucking easier to earn money. No seriously like so much easier, you know how much time that took me? 40 minutes, it earned me 50 pounds. If I was working in an actual job that payed that much I’d be earning 100 grand a year.

Or approximately 5 gold bars.

Solid gold bars aside, that money went to a good cause. This is where you’re expecting me to say “HAHA it went on McDonald’s and hookers, or McDonald hookers the dirtiest hookers of all”. No the money is doing what all the money I earn from cracked does, it’s sitting in my PayPal account. To date I’ve bought one thing with that money, a guitar. The rest of it goes to various charities.

I’m not trying to score any favors here, the money is money I never technically had so it’s doesn’t affect me whether I spend it or not. The second I need that shit, I’ll spend it, until then it’s going to chill in my account helping out various people who need it more than me.

Pictured: Me.