I’ve no idea what the hell small man syndrome is, it just seemed like a witty title to go with what I’m about to write.
I’ve always believed I was a tall individual, going on the only measuring tool I had available, my family. Going by the fact I was taller than my entire immediate family, they made a rough guess that I was around 6ft 5 a figure that stuck in my mind. It’s above average without being so tall birds flew into my face on a bi-weekly basis, it was a good height.
A few days ago however I was measured using actual measuring tools and the actual height sits at between 6ft 3 and 6ft 4 dependant on how compressed my spine is. Which is actually a real fucking thing. Despite the fact I just discovered my spine was being crushed by a combination of my own body and gravity, that inch really got to me.
Fuck you standardised measurements!
It was like being told I sucked by a tape measure and that’s a pain that doesn’t go away.You might be thinking I sound incredibly petty or childish for being so worked up about this that I actually felt the need to share it as opposed to posting more funny pictures. (I’ll post more in my own time damn it!). Well it all stems from my last name, the one emblazened across the top of this very page.
Smallwood is not an easy name to grow up with, even now at the age of twenty people still find it humorous or even straight up laugh when they hear it. At my age I’ve heard them all, but I still remember those barbs from when I was younger. I always used to hope that I’d grow up to be tall purely to say fuck you to my last name. Finding out I was shorter was like being turned into a child again.
Now anyone who’s being bullied knows the things that hurt the most are the things you can’t help. They’re the insults that stay with you forever, the ones that tack themselves onto your personality and help mold you as a person. It was only when I realised that the people who said those things were dicks that I realised it didn’t matter.
What did matter is that I caught a mouse that was only an inch long, which of course made me realise it’s not that big a deal.