Halo 2 – The Abridged Script.

After receiving encouragement I’ve done my first request and written the next step in the franchise, bullshit omitted.

Halo 2 – The Abridged Script.

Two guns, this has to be the second game.

The Game opens with the Arbiter being branded for failing to stop Master Chief in the first game.

Prophet: You failed us all Elite, because of you our plan to destroy the entire universe failed, and that’s apparently awful.

Arbiter: Wait that means my failure saved the lives of everyone here, why am I being punished for this?

Prophet: Silence, the Elites with all their laser technology and tanks failed against our inferior enemy, so I’ve brought in a bunch of apes with hammers. They’ll get the job done.

Arbiter: Sounds like a brilliant idea, let me know how they do against those tanks the humans have.

Prophet: As a traitor and failure you are now the Arbiter, you must go on a suicide mission to kill a heretic. To do this you will be put in charge of a squad of people you will now doubt get killed in the process, they have done nothing wrong.

Arbiter: Sound logic, I am yours to command.

The scene shifts to show master chief receiving a medal when he is about to be attacked.

Lord Hood: Master Chief for single handedly saving everything that ever existed or ever will, here is a medal.

Master Chief: Not to be cheeky, but I saved the fucking universe, can I get a promotion or something?

Lord hood: No, you’re lucky you’re even getting a medal. Which reminds me I’m also giving medals to Sgt Johnson and the guy who crashed his ship into halo, because you know what, fucking medals for everyone.

Master Chief: *Sigh

Suddenly the ship is attacked and (big surprise) the fight has been taken to earth, SHIT. Master Chief kicks more ass until he falls down a hole and meets the Arbiter.

Master Chief: Whoa the author just skipped like half of this game.

Arbiter: Do you blame him?

Master Chief: Well, no. Wait, you are an alien, why are we talking instead of you having my boot in your face?

Arbiter: Halo will destroy the universe, we need to stop it?

Master Chief: Again? Man this game is struggling for a plot huh, wanna go play multiplayer instead?

Arbiter: This is serious, we must save the universe, erm, again.

Master Chief and the Arbiter travel their separate ways, killing and maiming as they go. The Arbiter is attempting to recruit people to his cause.

Arbiter: Brothers, join me and help stop the Prophet and brute menace.

Elites: We will help you.

Bad Ass White Elite: I will also help you, I am invincible and have an infinitely powered plasma sword.

Arbiter: Shit really? Can you just go ahead and do it on your own then?

Bad Ass White Elite: No, I will help you for a few minutes then piss off forever.

Arbiter: Fuck.

Having recruited elites Master Chief and the Arbiter kick yet more ass and this culminates in the saving of the universe, again.

Master Chief: Wow, the author couldn’t even describe the last battle, this game really sucked ass huh?

Lord Hood: Well done Chief you’ll get another medal for this I’m sure of it.

Master Chief: Great another piece of metal on this suit, just what I need.

Lord Hood: Oh no a bomb is on this ship.

Master Chief: On it.

The game then ends, no seriously, it just ends. Master Chief rides a bomb then pulls of a cheesy one liner. Then you had to wait 3 years for Halo 3, fuck you bungie.


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