Hate mail.

As a writer and generally awesome guy I often receive fan mail, most is nice, some is like what you’re about to read.

To set this one up, the guy sent me a run of the mill troll email baiting a response, so I decided to have a little fun with him.

From [redacted]

Subject: YOU SUCK!

Your fucking shit stop writing.

I was a little annoyed by this so sent the following email from an official looking account I made. I’m not listing it as I still use this technique to annoy people

To: [redacted]

Subject: Failed Delivery.

Your message to karlsmallwood@hotmail.com wasn’t delivered, this IP address has been tracked and logged.

To add to this I sent the following message in response to his original email.

To [redacted]

Subject: ?

Hi there, is there a reason you sent me a garbled mess of random letters or is it just the language you speak in retard land?

This obviously annoyed him as he received my message but didn’t think I got his.

From [redacted]

Subject: YOU SUCK!

What the fuck? I said your shit stop writing you fag what is this shit about not being delivered?

I sent him the same official looking email from the other address and responded again.

To [redacted]

Subject: Seriously what the hell?

Ok now I’m confused, are you sending me a code or is your computer just as stupid as you are? Please stop sending me random strings of numbers and text.

He tried sending about 6 variations on his original message before finally starting to worry.

From [redacted]

Subject: Sorry man.

Ok I dont know what weird shit your doing but stop it this is my work email and i dont want my boss seeing this.

Now I had him, so I thought I’d deliver the killer blow by sending the following from the official looking email address.

To [redacted]

Subject: Account suspended.

You have been warned about sending emails to the address “karlsmallwood@hotmail.com” we are now beginning the process of deleting your account and contacting the owner in regards to the messages you have been sending.

For some reason he seemed to want to apologise to me now.

From [redacted]

Subject: Sorry

I really don’t know what’s going on please tell whoever it is to not delete my account im sorry man i didn’t mean it your a great writer please please please.

I was actually bored of the exchange by now so sent the following off of the official looking email address.

To [redacted]

Subject: Account suspended.

We have began the process of deleting your account, your employers have been notified and we will have logged and tracked your IP address for future reference.



One thought on “Hate mail.

  1. Pingback: Fan mail. | The Karl Smallwood experience.

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