Fan mail.

I recently posted a piece of hate mail I’d been sent. To show that even nice people can be retarded, here is a piece of fan mail I have been sent.

This was a piece of generic, “I like your stuff” mail until I noticed a few snide jabs at me, so I decided, you know what, fuck this guy. He’s in red, I’m in blue.

From [redacted]

Subject: Nice work.

Hi there, I recently read your piece on insect super powers and just wanted to message saying it was really great. If you could though could you change some of the sytaxical issues and fix the bit about spiders being insects. I’m sure your smart and don’t want that messing your reputation up.

To clarify here. The piece he is talking about. Had its title changed after I submitted it, the part about insects and spiders was simply the editors streamlining the title.

To [redacted]

Subject: Re: Nice work.

Hello, it’s always nice to hear from a fan, thank you for bringing the fact that spiders aren’t insects to my attention, I’m sure you’re very busy repairing those rocket engines and it’s nice of you to take time out of your day to teach me this piece of obscure knowledge.

I would have researched the issue myself but I was too busy putting rocks in my mouth and looking at shiny things.

I am a smart person, smart enough to know when someone is putting barbed comments into a pleasant email to gain a small feeling of superiority over another person.

Cheers, Karl.

I thought this was the end of the matter till I got this.

From [redacted]

Subject: Re: Re: Nice work.

I didn’t understand your last email, are you going to change the information or not? Cracked is a big website I’m sure it doesn’t want to be accused of giving people wrong information.

So I replied.

To [redacted]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nice work.

Cracked is indeed a big company, one that probably won’t be changing a saline piece of information that in no way detracts from the article. If you honestly believe you are the only person on earth privy to the information that spiders aren’t insects, I would like to ask you that you warn everyone in the past about Hitler, Bin Laden and how shit the transformers movies are.

Cheers, Karl.

Some people simply don’t know how to react and this guy chose to go violent.

From [redacted]

Subject: Fuck you.

You know what, let people think your an idiot, I don’t care. Your a dick.

Growing weary of this guys dick like personality I delivered the killing blow.

To [redacted]

Subject: No thanks.

It’s *you’re when I publish this on my blog who’s the ones who’s really going to look like an idiot?

Cheers, Karl.

This guy replied again, seriously, he must have a very small penis or something.

From [redacted]

Subject: Fuck off!

Go to hell man stop messaging me now, I won’t reply if you do.

To [redacted]

Subject: Re: Fuck off!

I’ll bet that you do.

From [redacted]

Subject: Re: Re: Fuck off!

No I fucking won’t!

To [redacted]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Fuck off!

Will.

From [redacted]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fuck off!

Oh I see what your doing very clever.

To [redacted]

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fuck off!

*you’re

4 thoughts on “Fan mail.

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