I was asked to provide content for my university’s magazine, however I thought I’d give the readers of this blog a chance to read it first.
Bus simulator 2
What exactly was it about the experience of driving a bus that this game wanted to recreate, the waiting? the boredom? Or the soul crushing realisation you’ve wasted your life, we’ll probably never know. However we do know that this game was popular enough to warrant a sequel.
The sequel sells itself with the tagline, “design your own bus routes” seriously Bus simulator? It took you till the second game to realise people don’t want to drive a preset bus route in a vehicle that handles about as well as a shopping cart filled with lead, at the very least give people the option to drive it into a storefront or something. Which is why we’re giving Bus simulator 1 a pass on having the worst title ever. As Bus simulator 2 serves only to conjure the image of a person sat eagerly driving a virtual bus around a pre-set route like an infinitely more depressing version of Scaletrix, followed by them slowly crying themselves to sleep hugging a bottle of whiskey, just like a real bus driver.
Street Fighter the movie, the video game.
In seemingly the most meta thing ever released a great video game becomes a terrible movie which in turn becomes a terrible game. While playing this game you can actually hear the screams of the original developers every time you press a button, the only way to silence them is to throw the game into a river complete with an offering of Tekken 2. The only thing worse than the title is actually playing the game, and watching a twisted of effigy of Jean Claude Van Damme contourt whilst trying to kick people to death, all the while you feel your childhood slowly be stolen.
Final Fantasy 2-13
Fun fact, Final Fantasy is so named because it was literally the companies last effort to make a decent game. Hundreds of millions of sales later, they kind of proved that they were onto something.
Like a video game version of the Rolling Stones the 14th official sequel to the game is in development. It’s like the company is only keeping the numbered titles purely to rub it into the faces of other game developers. We’ll bet they have a secret bar in which only they’re allowed to drink, with the creators of Gears of War sat glumly outside whispering “almost” to themselves over and over again.
The Lord Of The Rings: The Battle For Middle Earth II — The Rise Of The Witch-King
Featuring in the Guinness book of world records for one of the longest video game titles ever, this RTS truly stretches the limits of how many letters you can fit onto the front of a box. Which at the same time makes us want to attempt the record for number of kicks delivered to a game designers crotch for making us type that out.
Special extended anniversary hyper low-fat version.
If you’re not familiar with this game then like us you probably snickered slightly at the title, if you’re familiar with it you’ll realise that this game also featured a picture of a buxom woman on the front. Making it both hilarious and impossible to google search without the strictest search filter on, you stay classy video games.
We’re not putting the image of the game here, google it yourself pervert.