I like to publish my hate mail, mainly as a writing exercise, but also because making the kind of people who send hate mail look stupid is like shooting turds in a barrel with a modified turd shotgun. This guy didn’t like the fact I did this and had something to say about it.
Subject: Make fun of this.
You seem to take a great amount of pleasure in making fun of other people, this is obviously because you’re a very weak and petty man, you need to grow up and start acting like an adult. Besides, you’re only ripping off David Thorne anyway who does it a lot better than you anyway. Just give it up.
Ok, so to set this up, David Thorne is a freaking genius and I openly admitted to taking inspiration from him. However, this guy was also being passive aggressive and needed taking down a peg, plus I was bored.
Subject: Re: Make fun of this.
Hello there [redacted]
I would like to congratulate you on your masterful grasp of irony, surely you wield it like a mighty club, defending the honour of assholes on the internet who use a veil of anonymity to insult me for providing free humorous content. You may notice that’s not at all how irony works, isn’t that ironic?
I would also like to thank you for your comparison to David Thorne, who of course invented sending emails, however if you knew anything about the man you’re defending you’d know he himself drew inspiration from Maddox. It’s like a human centipede of knowledge, only instead turds I’m getting inspiration, and turds (your email).
People are more than welcome to send me emails and I openly accept criticisms, however humour is powerful tool for removing barbs and stings from hurtful comments, which is the reason I post them here for other people to read. So their attempt at insulting me only serves to entertain others. With this in mind would you like to retract any of your comments?
Subject: Re, Re: Make fun of this.
You’re only making yourself look stupid here, you’re acting like a petty child refusing to accept that people simply don’t think you’re funny and instead trying (and failing) to make them look stupid.
Regards, [an asshole with a small penis]
Subject Re, Re, Re: Make fun of this.
Way to completely ignore anything I said in favour of reiterating your initial point of me being petty, you’re really good at this arguing thing. I’d like to point out that I’m very reserved, I could if I so chose publish your email address for all to see, as I have done before with someone who sent me a dickish message.
This person, like you, thought I was a dick, he was also racist and misogynist, I posted his email address and no less than 3 hours later I received an email begging me to retract it as he was literally being inundated with dozens of emails every hour. I no longer do this in favour of posting the emails on my blog with the names and email addresses retracted. In the hope that the people who send them will see them and realise how much of an idiot they look to other people.
In a way people who send hate mail are like a hipster, they think they’re edgy and cool, but in reality everyone see’s them and thinks, “what a prick, did that guy wash his face with a screwdriver this morning?” Until one day they look in a mirror and realise that no one likes them and they’ve wasted countless hours of their life looking like a flaccid penis with a terrible haircut.
You can break the cycle, I BELIEVE IN YOU!
Subject Re, Re, Re, Re: Make fun of this.
I knew I wouldn’t get a proper answer from you, I’m not a hipster. I’m simply informing you that you are not funny and that no one likes people who spend all their time insulting people on the internet, it just makes you like a dick.
I’m not going to stop doing that asshole.
Regards, [a flaccid penis with a terrible haircut]
Subject: Re, Re, Re, Re, Re:
I think you’re just scared of change, I’ll help you stop, all you need to do is pry your saggy ass out of the chair you’re sat in, put on a t-shirt without questionable stains on it then tell your mother you’re going outside.
Once outside head to the nearest eating establishment, (I’m sure you’re already well versed on which one this is) then look for a pretty girl. Once you find one ignore your natural urge to whip out your wang, you’re not on the internet anymore, she can see you, instead approach her and strike up conversation.
Be sure to keep the conversation flowing by asking how she is and what she likes to do, don’t worry if she mentions things you’re not familiar with like socialising and visiting friends, they’re bullshit girl terms no one understands. When she’s suitably interested and asks what you like doing, tell her you send an internet comedian hate mail and see how quick those panties drop.
I then received a number of emails from this guy all basically stating how he was a total “stud” and banged a different chick every night. I personally don’t care about or want to publish those emails, for the simple fact I don’t publish lies.