Like everyone else in the world I’ve been playing the shit out of SKYRIM! a game so awesome you need to spell it in all caps, if only because one day it may gain sentience and realise how awesome it is.
Which inspired me to write this post. Like its predecessor Oblivion, the game is prone to glitches, everything from dragons flying backwards to the ability to put a basket over everyone’s head. The latter of which allows you to pretty much donkey punch the shit out of anyone you meet with impunity, just like real life.
Which is exactly what makes the game go from being great, to fantastic. If you own the game or have friends who own it, you’ll know about the giant glitch. If you’re not intimately familiar with it, due to a glitch in the game, when hit by a giant instead of being crushed into a fine, dragonborn paste, your character instead flies hundreds of feet into the air. The glitch proved so popular people called to not have it patched, if only for pure comedic value. As apparently nothing is funnier than people being launched into space and dying.
Glitches are like action movies or prostitutes who can’t count, people like them because they’re stupid. I present to you ladder goat, a video so stupid watching it is akin to running head first into jersey shore dvd, it’s also fucking hilarious. Due to a glitch, the player notices that a goat in the game has the ability to climb ladders, however as it’s a goat, instead of climbing it instead flails it legs and levitates like a furry David Copperfield. The actions make the player in the video laugh like a hyena watching a fat person fall over, also the hyena is totally high.
Glitches are like a little achievements, in fact they’re more often than not better than actual achievements or “trophies”. Most games offer achievements for simply completing the game, which is like rewarding someone for using the toilet after a curry, they were going to do it eventually.
Glitches are like easter eggs, only instead of getting a little message from the developer, you actively make them go out and patch the fucking thing, you’re actually making them do more work. It’s like you’re telling them “yeah your games awesome, I only broke it in a day, fix that shit”.
Glitches are also one of the few things everyone can agree upon, when playing SKYRIM! you can be anything you want, a badass soldier who slaughters all who stand in his path, a stealthy rogue who answers to no one, or in my case a lizard who steals things, just fucking because. There are endless ways to play, all of which have benefits, however as no two people play the same way and the game is so immersive no one has the same experience. Making discussions about it turn into dick measuring contests about their own way of playing the game, glitches however do away with that. The first thing I did upon playing the game, wasn’t following the main story, it wasn’t even going to the first town.
The second I was given access to the open world, literally the first moment in which I was given the ability to do whatever I wanted to, I ran into the woods and stabbed the first thing I found. I didn’t go to any towns, I didn’t do any missions, my character Godzuki simply spent his time pushing rabbits off of cliffs. Everyone told me to progress in the main story, do a certain mission or stop fucking around, all of which I ignored in lieu of making my character punch bears. It was only when someone told me that if I was attacked by a giant I’d fly into space that I took their advice, I immediately dropped my bear punching adventure to go pick a fight with a giant. I literally made my character fight a giant, just to watch him die.
The right way to play a game is something people find hard to agree on, however everyone can agree glitches are hilarious, they endear us to the game and give us all something to agree upon and talk about.