As an internet comedian, I’ve become attuned to receiving hate mail. However the following isn’t hate mail, it’s a personal vendetta against me.
The guy below is a Cracked.com user, he prides himself on being a really great troll which is like priding yourself on stabbing a really attractive prostitute. He made a point of bashing me in the comments of my articles, mainly because I’m one of the few writers on Cracked who actively responds to them and he felt I shouldn’t do this. I don’t know why, all I know is he did it the most asshole way possible.
I literally forgot who the hell he was until a few days ago when he sent me the following messages. To clarify, the message tagline was “Here’s your olive branch”. Which is probably the most pretentious thing possible. I’m posting this mainly as it nicely clarifies my opinion on trolls, also fuck this guy.
TheCoolestGuy wrote (on December 18th 7:16 am):
Awesome article today. It made my morning.
karlos wrote (on December 18th 7:22 am):
No wait you’re that asshole comment troll from last time. Fuck you.
TheCoolestGuy wrote (on December 19th 3:23 am):
Mature reply. And I trolled you for your own good. For one, it got you to stop embarrassing yourself by trolling your own article. That’s like wearing the t-shirt of the band you’re in, but only if you then yelled at the audience for showing up to your gig. Still, I felt bad that people gave you shit about it. I was trying to extend an “olive branch” of peace.
And good luck with the whole irrational man-child persona you’ve got going. Chicks REALLY dig guys with obvious penis issues.
karlos wrote (on December 19th 9:30 am):
Here’s a mature response, since you as the person hiding behind a veil of anonymity who has nothing better to do with his time than message internet comedians seems to think he has the moral high ground.
I’m a comedian, I’m also 20 years old and I’m having my work displayed to hundreds of thousands of people, that’s the kind of feeling you can’t imagine. So then, who are you to tell me I can’t read the comments? Or respond to them?
You seem to think you’re doing it “for my own good”, I’ve been told my people a lot smarter than you to stop reading comments, but I still do for one reason. I like seeing what people think of my work, whether good or bad.
However, I’m a busy man. I have a job, studies and all the social engagements you’d expect of a young student. What the hell is so wrong about wanting to take some down time and see what people think of the things I’ve written?
I’ll tell you what, you sign up for Cracked. You pitch an article, spend hours researching, pitching and refining it. See all your hard work culminate in a polished piece of writing on the front page of the biggest comedy website on earth, and tell me you don’t want to know what hundreds of thousands of brutally honest people truly think of your work.
If you truly want to extend an olive branch, fine, I accept. All I ask is that you stop being such a fucking douche.
The only problem I have with your points, is that you have no credible way to back it up, beyond the fact you seem to know how to internet better than me. I wouldn’t come down to your place of work and tell you the correct way to suck a guys dick because that’s not something I’m familiar with. Likewise, don’t message me thinking you can tell me how to act, or that I’m not mature enough.
In case you haven’t noticed, this is a comedy website where we write dick and fart jokes, a childish mind is a great asset to a comedian. As is the ability to allow barbs and hurtful comments roll off of our backs. As too is the ability to smack down trolls, who’s only real skill is making people feel bad.
As for the comments alluding to my penis issues, the only issue I have with my penis is that people keep talking about, which causes it to feel embarrassed and turn red, then people think I have a lobster attacking my groin. A large lobster.
Alas though I’ve found my man-child persona actually does work on women, as does my face and my penis. Your concern about its welfare has been noted and ignored.
But all of this can be summed up in one sentence. If you think you’re so great, I’d like to see you do better.