The customer is always right.

I few months back I opened my closet and noticed that I had no clothes, so with my wang flailing in the breeze I ordered some new ones from a well known internet site I’d rather not mention, simply because they may have well dressed lawyers waiting for such an event.

Once ordered though, I realised something was wrong and decided to see about fixing this mistake, little did I know the site is apparently run by the height challenged as their sizing was about as accurate as drunken male penis measurements.

To [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Hi there.

Right well, I’m a little embarrassed about this, but I’ve ordered something from your website that’s in the wrong size, however your site won’t let me change it to one that will actually fit my frame as opposed to strangling it, with comfort.

Here’s my order info [It was a totally sweet striped t-shirt, ladies love that shit].

Is there any chance I can cancel this order and have it sent in a size up?

Cheers.

From [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Hi Karl.

Yep, that’s no problem we’ve altered your order and changed it to the next size up. Thanks for your custom.

To [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Hello again.

I received my order and believe you may have made a mistake.

I asked for it to be a size larger. I instead appear to have been sent the worlds largest dolls clothes or a shirt designed for short people who insist they’re a medium.

Is there any chance I can get the same shirt in either the correct size, or I guess in a large since the sizing on your site seems to be off by around 14 cheeseburgers.

Cheers.

From [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Hi Karl.

If you require a large then we’ll be happy to send you a shirt in that size. Please do not make the assumption though that our clothes are labeled incorrectly, they are clearly labeled on our site and are compliant with all industry standards.

Regards.

To [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Hello.

I didn’t mean to offend, I was simply stating that I’d ordered a medium t-shirt, the same size I am able to wear from every other clothes selling outlet in the land and have it fit. Which I guess means that every other store in Britain has incorrect size guides, while you remain the one constant sentinel of correct measurements. Kudos.

I understand there will be differences in sizes between shops, but I thought I’d be safe ordering a medium, intended for the average sized man. However I guess that means I’m bigger than the average man proving my ex-girlfriend wrong, so thanks for the compliment.

If you could send me a large that would be great, but I see from your site that a large is intended for a man of rubenesque proportions, so wouldn’t fit me any better than the psudeo-corset I have now, so I don’t know what to suggest. Perhaps, updating your system to say that the average man doesn’t fit into a t-shirt that looks like it’s painted on could be a good start.

From [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Karl.

Tight fitting clothing is a trend right now, this is represented in our clothing line if you don’t have the frame to carry off such a look we have other, looser fitting clothes to suit your needs.

Regards.

To [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Are you calling me fat?

Because that’s kind of a novelty, my frame has been in the past likened to a homosexual stick insect, a stick man who let himself go and the after picture in an anorexia campaign.

I’m well aware that tight-fitting clothing is all the rage, however much to my disappointment it is a trend that’s resulted in far more low-cut tops being worn by men with shitty tattoos than it has resulted in women wearing anything pleasant.

However, when your clothing is so tight fitting it makes me thankful my chest doesn’t have testicles or “chesticals” if you will, because it’s so constricting it feels like I’m being molested by a boa constrictor. You may have made them too tight.

Cheers.

From [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Karl.

While I understand your point, you’re clearly over exaggerating.

Regards.

To [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

You’re totally right I can see myself owning the dance floor wearing this. I edited it so you can see the look I’m going for.

From [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Hi Karl.

I forwarded this message to my supervisor and he’s said I’m authorised to send you a gift voucher for sending that image.

To [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Do you want the shirt back?

From [redacted]

Subject: Mistake with my order.

Sadly, yes we do.

8 thoughts on “The customer is always right.

  1. That picture is worth SO many gift vouchers! Also, skinny emo twink is a good look for you, might wanna consider keeping it instead, heh. Just make sure you draw on the sunglasses and mustache before you go out. (^_~)

  2. Pingback: Hungry, to prove me wrong. « Internet adventures

  3. Pingback: Working it all out. « Internet adventures

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