Alone in the dark.

A couple of weeks ago I got lost in the woods with some friends. Although this scenario normally ends with being railed by a hillbilly while banjo music plays in the background, for me it just resulted in seeing some baby lambs. However the whole reason I got stuck in the first place was because a taxi company refused to pick me up, here’s their excuse why.

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

Hi there.

Yesterday I contacted yourselves about getting a taxi from

[I cut out some personally identifiable details here, deal with it]

I’m just wondering why exactly your taxi, never turned up despite telling me on multiple occasions that it was.

Cheers.

From [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

We’re very sorry to hear that and we strive to provide the best possible service. According to our database that particular taxi was cancelled by somebody, we apologise.

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

It was cancelled? That’s funny because the taxi was called from somewhere where phone signal was about as reliable as your company. In fact, in order to contact yourselves it required walking 4 miles to a main road and back to the only pub for miles in order for you to pick us up.

It makes it even less believable because we actually ordered two taxis one of which turned up, leaving myself and another 2 people stuck, waiting for a second taxi that never came. Made even more annoying by the fact your taxi driver claimed that another cab was only a few minutes away. I haven’t been that uncomfortable and disappointed since I put on a mint flavoured condom inside out.

The end result was that we called yourselves two more times from a payphone and waited another 2 hours before you eventually just stopped returning our calls. I’m sorry, but as a taxi company you’re supposed to act like a booty call, coming when asked. Not like an ex who refuses to take our calls.

What gives?

From [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

Again we’re very sorry that this was the case, but I would point out that you did make it home and someone cancelled your taxi. Maybe someone at called us from the payphone you used.

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

So because we made it home that’s ok? We were literally the fucking horizon away from home, we only got home because the owner of the pub we were sat in saw our sad defeated asses and gave us a lift, presumably to stop us sadding up the place. Would you have the same attitude if we had been, oh say an elderly person?

Again, no one cancelled that taxi, people who are so far from home and without options that the premise of the film hostel starts to look good, do not cancel their only way home

To me, personally. It seems more like your company simply couldn’t be arsed to pick us up and instead wanted to make easy money driving people to and from town. Which although is a good system for making money, it’s kind of a shitty system for inspiring people you’re in any way reliable.

[Note from Karl. Seriously, the distance we needed to walk was actually measured in times over the horizon, I was so fucking right in being annoyed.]

From [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

This clearly isn’t going anywhere, if you aren’t going to be reasonable we aren’t going to return your emails.

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

I’m actually surprised your emails turned up in my inbox if I’m honest.

From [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

Your name has been blacklisted from our service.

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

What exactly is stopping me ringing your company with a fake name? Perhaps a foreign sounding one.

From [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

Your number will also be blacklisted.

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

Oh, so your company is never again going to send me a cab?

From [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

No.

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

How is that any different from before?

To [redacted]

Subject: Problem about your service.

Stop emailing us.

To read more things I’ve written you can click here, here and here.

3 thoughts on “Alone in the dark.

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