Why the topless Kate Middleton photos prove we’re all terrible people.

If you’re clicking this to see the actual pictures, fuck you, they’re not here and I’m not linking to them, but at the moment they’re easier to find online than Nigerian princes and wang enhancement pills, so, yeah, Google that shit. What I’m instead doing is explaining why the pictures themselves highlight something bad about society today.

If you’ve been online at all in the past day or so, you probably know that Kate “Duchess of Cambridge” Middleton was recently pictured topless while being awesome in France. If not, seriously, Google that shit. This has led to an arms race of sorts between two kinds of people, on one hand people are annoyed Kate’s privacy has been invaded, on the other, people want to see what her sweater kittens look like.

Probably like this, but more breast like.

The main crutch of the argument against showing the photos is that it’s offensive and disrespectful to both Kate and the Royal family, ignoring the fact that it’s potentially pissing off a lady who could have you stabbed in the face with the flick of her wrist. But here’s the thing, the people against showing them and the millions of people who crashed several websites trying to see them, have something in common. They’re both suggesting that Kate is somehow different to a regular person, which she totally is. But, I’ve seen the pictures and sure, she does have a nice pair of chesticles, but the pictures themselves look like someone had put Vaseline all over the lens. There are literally millions of better pictures out there, the only reason people want to see them is because she’s Kate Middleton and/or they want to know if they should hate William for being a rich prince with a hot wife, or a rich prince with a hot wife with nice boobs.

I told you it wasn’t hard.

This means that both sides are treating the issue differently because someone famous is involved, if it was some random dumbass who got snapped with their top off, no one would give a fuck. But this is where things get weird, because there’s been another issue in the news that I think is quite similar, The US consulate attacks in Benghazi, BAM, hows that for a fucking segue?

If you’re not familiar with this story, basically, some fundamentalist muslims got really pissed off about a Youtube video and attacked the US consulate. Western news sources have been condemning the shit out of the reaction, saying it was out of proportion. Western bloggers and commenters have taken to attacking the people directly, saying that the people responsible for the attacks are being stupid by thinking their religion should be treated differently. Because insulting them over the internet worked out so well the first time.

First page of comments, one comment down.

Wait, it was out of proportion, for a very small subsection of people to be annoyed that their most deeply held beliefs were being mocked on Youtube, but it’s OK for every news source in Europe to go apeshit about someone getting their baby beanbags out? Now I’m not defending the attacks, but it’s hypocritical to condone something as an overreaction when it’s in reaction to something that is at its core, hugely offensive, then a day later crash an entire fucking website just to see grainy pictures of Prince William’s naughty pillows.

I couldn’t find a picture of him not staring at them.

Of course there will be people who neither scrambled to see the pictures of jumped to defend Kate’s privacy, but they’re a significant minority. Likewise there will be people who didn’t condone or state the Benghazi attacks were an overreaction, but again, they’re a massive minority. The fact is a majority of people stated that some muslims overreacted to a perceived slight at their beliefs or judged them for drawing a line saying their religion should be immune from criticism. Then two days later those same people either overreacted massively to a picture of some breasts or drew a line and said Kate was off-limits.

The thing is though, an argument about what to do with a picture of breasts is literally one of the most childish things possible, something millions of prepubescent boys around the world have done with their friends upon finding their first porno mag. At least children hide what they’re doing, they know it’s embarrassing, we’re doing it online for the entire World to see.


3 thoughts on “Why the topless Kate Middleton photos prove we’re all terrible people.

  1. Not the best of comparisons as Her Royal Highness has not, at least at the time I typed this, stormed the French Embassy and killed the French Ambassador who had spent the past few years helping with the transition of the British government from a dictatorship to a slightly more open society in reaction to the French violating her privacy.

  2. It’s nothing about Kate or her actions. It’s about our reaction, as a society, to seeing her boobies. People either side of the debate about the photos have overreacted to something simple and blown it way out of proportion. The exact same thing people have been accusing the extremists who attacked the consulate of only a few days ago. The difference being, they were reacting to an attack on their religion, we were reacting to breasts.

    I apologise if that wasn’t clear, thanks for reading.

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