Today marks an important day on the American calendar, election day! And as a Brit I fully respect both sides and their respective candidate. One person though, didn’t share this feeling and felt moved to delete me on Facebook because I was friends with people who supported both Obama and Romney. Now I promised myself that I’d never use my site again to publically out someone for being a dick to me, luckily, this guy was a dick to one of my female friends. So I’m perfectly free to write about him here. Science!
First things, first. Here’s the post that started it all. A joking attempt on my behalf to express that I was aware of the elections.
Now from that it’s pretty clear to tell that I’m a very handsome guy, and also that I’m not openly endorsing either candidate, because, my opinion on the matter is moot and of little interest to people. As I expected, people commented with their views on the matter, as you can see below one person came out in support of Romney. The comment after mine didn’t, a minute later I noticed that I was no longer friends with this person.
You may be wondering why I’ve not blocked out Jeremy’s name? Well that’s because a few hours later another friend of mine informed me that Jeremy had messaged them out of the blue, to talk about politics and religion. Which as far as I can tell, are Jeremy’s only fucking interests. Seriously, I scrolled down his wall, because deleting me as a friend doesn’t mean I can’t scope yo shit, and counted 10 posts about religion and politics in less than 24 hours. All of which were links, because Jeremy is a busy guy who can’t spend time articulating his thoughts when image macros can do it for him.
Now along with politics and religion Jeremy touched on subjects like his ex and reading the girl in question a bed time story. Because if there’s one way to get a girl to think you’re cool, it’s to talk about your ex and offer to stare at her while she tries to sleep.
At her request I’ve also blocked out the girl in questions name and face, so she’s henceforth referred to as, “Karlina”.
Now you might be thinking, that’s a little weird but, people scam on girls all the time via Facebook, what makes this any different. Well, Karlina is 15. As for Jeremy, well I don’t know how old he is, but if you take a look at one of the pictures he sent her you can probably guess that it’s somewhere near “Way too fucking old to be messaging a 15 year old girl“
Now I’d like to point out that nothing seedy was sent, according to Karlina and the transcripts I’ve seen, he was just really fucking weird. But that’s when it hit me, Jeremy spends all his time posting political bullshit and things about athiesm because he’s not getting laid, so I’m going to do you a favour Jeremy. I’m going to share the pictures you sent Karlina with my audience. And to prove I’m not being a dick or just trying to get people to make fun of you, I’m going to start with a terrible picture of me taken when I was out drinking with my friends. If you’re not familiar with either of those things Jeremy, I wouldn’t be surprised.
That’s by no means a bad photo of me, but by the time that was taken, I’d stopped giving a shit about my appearance. So I feel it’s perfectly fine to show alongside a photo you felt proud enough to send to a 15-year-old girl on Facebook Jeremy. Soak it in ladies.
But girls, Jeremy isn’t just a cool guy who can use the change hue tool on Photoshop, he’s also real smart, check out how many words are that whiteboard! That could be the formula for making your vagina explode with pleasure, are you going to risk not seeing if that fact I made up is true?
Again, here’s a less than flattering picture of me to make you look better Jeremy. Jeremy has accepted baldness with a quiet dignity, I on the other hand still think cameras steal my soul.
So ladies, let me know in the comments, is Jeremy the man for you? Because seriously, this guy need a fucking hobby. And that hobby could be you and your vagina!
For everyone else, just remember, Facebook is a great platform to express your beliefs, just don’t be a Jeremy* about it. Don’t be the guy who posts nothing but memes or things that insult other peoples beliefs, because eventually, you’re going to piss off the wrong person.