5 of Life’s Most Mundane Problems (Solved With Math) – Deleted Content.

If you found this blog via the recent article I had published on Cracked about mundane problems solved with maths. Here’s an entry that didn’t make the cut for you to read. Enjoy.


If you’ve been to the beach and managed to avoid the swathes of used condoms, hypodermic needles and half eaten hotdogs, you probably built yourself a sandcastle in between tetanus shots.

This image is kind of sinister if you imagine anyone but his parents taking this photo.

Image from here: http://sheachic.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/sand-castles.html

It’s a staple of being a kid and it’s childish as hell, but if we’ve learnt anything at our time here at Cracked it’s that there’s always going to be someone out there who figures out how to do something childish like a boss with maths.

The perfect way.

Now it’s a common misconception that to build a sandcastle you need a lot of water, it makes sense, only wet sand sticks together, but for years we’ve been using way, way too much. Daniel Bonn, a physicist from the University of Amsterdam decided to get his science on and figure out just exactly what is needed to create the perfect sandcastle

This is so much better than all those drugs and hookers back in Amsterdam.

Image from here: http://www.visualphotos.com/image/2×3338767/scientist_on_the_beach

His findings indicated that the perfect water to sand ratio should be pretty close to 1 percent, shitting all over previous assertions of an optimum ratio of 12.5 percent.

Using Bonn’s 1% water to sand mixture and the equation that goes with it, you can actually work out the the maximum attainable height for any sandcastle based on the size and radius of its base. If you don’t think this is impressive, just consider that the current world record is a castle around 36 feet tall with a 33 foot wide base. This structure could have theoretically been thrice that height if it was built following Bonn’s instructions. Just check out how tall you can make a structure with a base of only 7cm, now imagine that, but 8000 times bigger.

Size matters, right, ladies.

So if you’re reading this sandcastle makers, it’s theoretically possible to build a 100ft tall dick out of sand and come on, that’s something that needs to exist. If only so we can all imagine for the briefest of moments that humanity is slowly slapping the face of God with a dick made of sand.

Thanks for reading, for more Cracked deleted content, click here.

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