A couple of days ago I published this article, detailing some thoughts I had on fighting games, the response was so overwhelmingly negative that I wrote a follow-up piece, again the response was, frosty at best. The end result was that I pretty much blew up the site hosting them. No, really, here’s the view counter for the month leading up to that day.
That single article matched the entire sites views in a single day and resulted in huge number of comments and backlash. Which is why this article is on my own, personal site. I wrote that article, so I’ll bear the brunt of the blame, KnightsofGaming.com is a new venture started by a good friend of mine, it doesn’t need that kind of shitty publicity, not yet anyway. In response to the many, many comments I’ve got, here’s my honest response.
I’m not going to apologise for either article because when those were published, that was my opinion at that exact moment in time. I can’t apologise for the past and trying to do so is a huge dick move on my part. I said something stupid that annoyed a lot of people, including to my surprise, people with a lot of sway in the community.
Apologising is a cheap way out and it makes no difference to the people who’ve already gotten worked up, I robbed them of time, they can’t ever get that back. The only thing I can offer those people is a similar sacrifice, which is why I personally read and approved every comment the articles received and I will continue to do so until it fades from the collective memory of the internet.
Which is why I will also not be removing either article, it would be easy to simply delete each article and hope that people eventually forgot. I openly write under my own name for everything I have published online because I believe in what I write, the numerous comments, conversations, Facebook messages, emails, tweets and Xbox live messages have caused me to reconsider. Which is why both articles and their comments will stay online as a reminder to me, and anyone else reading of how being opinionated or misinformed on a given issue can lead to being burned and forced to eat copious amounts of humble pie.
A great number of people have talked to me about how the FGC as a whole is very welcoming, I was told about fundraisers players organised to help people in trouble, about charity streams and tournaments. On the other hand I was also told that some of the elements I discussed held some truth to them.
With the case of the latter, the person in question was quick to point out that these small, isolated incidents were in no way representative of the entire community, but they understood how someone could perceive them poorly.
I’m not trying to defend what I wrote, because the person who wrote that was an entirely different version of myself who, if sat here right now, not knowing or having experienced what I have in the last few days would probably have reacted in a mocking or derisive way. Right now, all I feel is embarrassed, embarrassed at how stupid and ignorant I now look to a community I follow, albeit it from a distance.
embarrassed that my name will be forever attached to something with the most depressing like to share ratio in internet history since Two Girls One Cup.
And mostly embarrassed that I managed to fuck up talking about a hobby I personally take a great deal of pleasure in and in the process pissed off a bunch of people who for the most part, seem like genuinely nice guys.
I just wanted to let people know that I’ve realised the complexity of the issue at hand and that my opinions on the matter have changed. Perhaps in time I’ll be able to better articulate them.